Yesterday Voice370 issued a press statement expressing their disappointment that the Malaysian Government has chosen to remain silent again. This time regarding the offer from a US company that they would like to embark on the search for the missing plane now that Australia (ATSB and CSIRO) has redefined the search area further north of where they had been searching all this while. The offer amounted to something like 'no-find, no-pay' which I thought was pretty reasonable and KIND. Why then is Malaysia not taking it up? I'm equally sad and disappointed. Which leads me to question its sincerity in wanting to recover the plane. Some parties earlier had already suggested some form of 'cover up' on Malaysia's part. The present stance is definitely open to question, doesn't it? In the first place, what was your real reason for ending the search? Surely money spent - no matter the amount - on looking for the plane can be justified in more ways than you can think of. We are talking about human lives here -isn't that reason enough?

Please consider this. The incident is entering its 4th year and we are nowhere near to getting any form of answers as to what happened to the plane and its 239 passengers. You might choose to sidestep the incident but don't expect that we - family and friends of those on board - can do the same. Do you even have the faintest idea of how we have coped for the last 3 years without the slightest inkling as to what happened to our loved ones? 'Difficult' can hardly begin to describe our torment.Things might have seemed normal to you, and that we have weathered the worst. We all grieve in our own way, some more demonstrative than others; but believe you me, we GRIEVE....and will continue until the day we know what happened to flight MH370 and why it ended the way it did.

You say you empathize, and that you feel for us. Words alone won't do; actions speak louder than words. Your silence amounts to inertia, and it doesn't augur well for you, much less for the future of our nation as our Merdeka Day looms around the corner.

BECOMING A WRITER

I thought now is the time for me to pursue my writing ambition. It might be late - considering my age - to even harbour an ambition. But, as long as I am fit in mind and body, why not? Didn't George Eliot say "It's never too late to be what you might have been"? Back in 2014, I had decided that I would not take on any more translation assignments once 2015 set in so that I could focus on writing for myself. What that essentially means is that I would set about embarking on a vocation that revolves around writing, and see what and how far that would get me. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't a spur of the moment decision, nor was it a 'whim and fancy' thingy. I admit it wasn't a childhood ambition. It was something I was drawn to and considered upon leaving university. But I had allowed other demands to derail my pursuit of a writing life. Until now.

Virginia Woolfe said: "A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction". Well, at this point in my life, I still don't have money, but with a husband, thankfully, I know where my next meal is coming from. What I do have is a 'room'. By the latter, I think Woolfe meant that a writer must have a place to write - be it a room or a corner in the house, or a cafe even (remember J.K Rowling?) - where she would be most comfortable writing. I have created my own work space in the house. I need quiet to read and write, but that really is not a problem since there's only my husband and I at home. Most times, for a greater part of the day, I am on my own. So, conducive to writing, right? But, don't forget - I still have  the housekeeping chores and cooking which demand my time (and energy). I simply have to be smart about balancing my time. I don't need to clean house every day, and some days, I find an excuse not to cook!  

With time on my hands now, it is only right that I should use it to awaken my dormant dream and not fritter it away. Having time alone won't cut it - as I've discovered. What you need more is self-discipline.  When I was doing translations, I had deadlines to meet - which in a way kept me watching the time. When you find that time is at your disposal, it is so easy to get distracted. There's the TV, for instance. Although I'm not a TV addict, I do like watching documentaries on Discovery and Nat. Geo channels, so my excuse is to watch them when I need a break. The worst is of course the phone and the Internet. When I'm trying to write, I put my phone on silent mode although it is only an arm's length away. I also mute all notifications on my WhatsApp Groups except for my family chat group - in case of emergencies that need my  immediate attention. I'm also easily tempted to surf the Net for info or research, so I try to manage this by allotting a certain day or time for it without it interfering with my writing time.

As a newbie in writing, I tend to read a lot about the craft which keeps me from actually writing. I'm beginning to realize that there's only so much that I can read, and the simple fact of the matter is to just sit down and WRITE. Which is what I'm doing (even if it's just a blog post!).

MH370 - three years after.

In a few days - on 8 March 2017 - it will be the 3rd anniversary of the disappearance of Flight MH370. Among the 239 passengers on that fateful flight were my daughter-in-law, her mother, sister and aunt. To date, they are still missing. Extensive search in the Indian Ocean over the past two years has not yielded anything by way of the plane or its passengers. Meanwhile, we are as far away from solving the mystery of the plane's disappearance as we had been on the day it disappeared. While questions abound, answers continue to elude us; for how much longer, we wonder.

I can't even begin to describe the emotions that surged through us - my family - that Saturday 8 March 2014 as we sat in the KLIA waiting room accorded to family members  awaiting news of the flight. Together with the family members, relatives and friends of the other Malaysian passengers on board the flight, we were a mixed bag of emotions, huddled in our own cluster of support. Anxiety ran high; tear-stained faces underlined hopelessness  as the day dragged on to night without word of the plane's whereabouts. Baffled by the uncertainty and lack of official communications, I kept looking towards the blue sky through the wide glass windows for a sign of the plane returning - as if it would suddenly appear in the sky in the same way that it had disappeared from it. Besides, there was little else to do that day but wait for news of our loved ones. I prayed for their safe return, silently and ceaselessly. Little did I expect that henceforth for the next two years and after, I would still be doing the same thing, mostly in the sanctuary of my home and wherever else I happen to be because I have not been able to forget. Coming to three years, it takes very little to remind me that there is this personal tragedy waiting to be solved. And more than anything else, begging for closure.

With its disappearance shrouded in mystery, it became fodder for all manner of sleuths and speculation. Theories as to the possible causes of its disappearance are rife - a fire or catastrophe on board beyond the crew's control, alien abduction, act of terrorism, seizure by a foreign power, act of suicide-murder by the pilot, interception by remote control...the list goes on. While some theories might appear far-fetched, others seemed plausible. But your guess is as good as mine. For a lay person like me, the Government's Official Report issued the following year in March 2015 only compounds the confusion. The figures, the satellite readings, the calculations put forth in the Report are Greek to me. Without a shred of tangible evidence, they are as good as assumptions and presumptions after all. Still, I continue to read whatever bit of news or article relating to the Flight that I chance upon on the Internet, hoping that it will provide me with even a modicum of a clue as to what actually happened to Flight MH370. Sadly, the media has lost interest, and little, if anything at all, is mentioned of it these days.

But what of the people, like me, whose lives are impacted by the flight's disappearance? Of the husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister etc. left behind in its aftermath?  Do we simply accept it as an unfortunate accident and move on with our lives?  The passage of time alone does not heal. After three years we might be finally resigned to the loss, accepting it as fate decreed by the Divine, but it is by no means easier. Questions still abound and with the ending of the search, the much-needed closure is as elusive as ever.