To My Husband - On Our 33rd Anniversary

I thank Allah

For so many things

For the countless blessings

But above all

For the gift of you

How can I not?

You - gentle and considerate

With nary a harsh word

You - strong and supportive

Reassuring and attentive

With laughter to temper each passing day

It's your way to keep problems at bay

You make light of the burden you carry

So I would not have reason to worry

You rejoice in simple things

Like prawn fritters and the afternoon rain

You delight in the bloom of a new flower

As you would the sound of a child's laughter

You prize sincerity and honesty

Hard work and integrity

Not for you the pretensions and pomposity

And certainly not breaches of courtesy

Your humility humbles me

Your openness endearing

Your warmth beguiles me

Your selflessness amazing

Magnanimity is you

Kindness and forbearance too

You are your own person

And you make it right 

For me to be me

For 33 years

I feel the love

That give me cause to celebrate

The every day that I am your wife.

Alhamdulillah

A Lingering Farewell

Yours was a farewell

Without goodbye

No parting words

No final wave

No teary eye.

But you left behind

A numbing pain

With every breath we take

With the very mention of your name.

We endure...

Distressful days

Sleepless nights

Weeks of anxiety

Fraught with questions

Riddled with speculations

Toyed with our emotions.

Yet no answers came

To stoke our fading hope

Futile search only deepens the mystery

And underlie the ambiguity.

As hope turns to despair

Optimism to fatalism

Patience to desperation

We cling to prayer

And memories of you.

My Melaka-Nyonya friend

Jessie had come back to Kuala Lumpur for the Chinese New Year, and I was hellbent on meeting her before she returns home to Sydney in a couple of days. We decided to do lunch at KLCC (where else?) since it was within walking distance of her accommodation. So there we were, gaggling and giggling, like we used to do some 40 over years ago. Nothing seems changed as though time had stood still for us. (Except now we have a husband and children to talk about!).

I first met Jessie when we were both 'freshies' in the University of Malaya. As undergraduates, we stayed at the same residential college which became our second home for three years. Friends therefore was an essential component that could make life away from home that much more tolerable. And she did that for me with the warmth of her friendship. Friendly, funny and fearless was the Jessie I grew fond of. Make no mistakes; rub her the wrong way and you would receive a backlash that would leave you cringing. While she could be disarmingly charming, she was no pushover, I can tell you that. But it was probably her openness and non-judgemental attitude that made me comfortable in her company. And a talent for drawing that I envy to this day. She made drawing seemed effortless. Jessie was my introduction to the Baba-Nyonya community, and she provided a glimpse of their culture through her 'nyonya' accented ways, complete with slang (and curse words) and all! 

As fate would have it, she and her family now live in Sydney. Our meetings since we left university have been few and far between. In fact when we were both younger and busy building a career and raising a family, we hardly communicated. But the seed of friendship had been sown during our undergraduate years. On the strength of that alone, we could pick up where we left off. Yesterday, over a shared plate of char kwei teow and fried mixed vege, we reminisced our days in the 3rd Residential College.

As I looked at her walking away, I noticed that her manner of walking has not changed either - fast and purposeful - the gait of someone with a task to complete.  

To A Very Dear Sister

Yesterday                    

You lay stretched out on the bed
Legs apart - pillowless.
Your head turned to the wall
And remained so - motionless.
You were calm - as if in sleep
But emotionless.

I called your name
But you heard me not.
I stroked your hand
But you heeded me not.
Who suffers now?
I know not if you could speak
But chose not to.
Or if you could hear
But refused to.

Had you numbed your feelings
To obscure the pain
To harden the senses?
Were you imagining another world
Like you used to do
Where things would work out fine
When things were in fact askew?
This time I asked that you fake a smile
So I would know there was still a bit of you.

Was I intruding?
As you shut your eyes
Deny your feelings
To shut out the world
That was no longer bliss
No longer meaningful for what was left of you.

Only days ago
You spoke; slowly and haltingly
But unmistakably.
Yesterday your silence was loud
And I miss you already.