It's the 57th day today. And I am still waiting for news; at least, to know the whereabouts of the plane. I must admit this is the longest and the most difficult wait in my life - weeks of anguish and frustration. What began with hope has turned to despair. And every time I see my son, as he puts on a brave front and some semblance of normalcy in his life, I go to pieces. And that's me. How do you think he feels, losing a beloved wife, a mother-in-law and sister-in-law all in one go? Excruciating doesn't even begin to describe the heartbreak and pain he must be going through.
I am stymied by the disappearance of the plane. We hail our smartphones, GPS, radars, satellites and what-have-you tracking devices as milestones in our technological advancement. Yet weeks of intensive and extensive search have come to nought. The state-of-the-art instruments of connectivity that we gloat about has been rendered useless in this case. What's even worse is knowing now that when you are in the plane going somewhere, for much of the time, the flight is not even monitored! 'Out of sight, out of mind' kind of situation - staggering thought!
For me, and surely for everyone else with loved ones on board, the uncertainty is mind-boggling, jolting our emotions into alternating highs and lows. And that is not yet taking into consideration the plethora of theories associated with the plane's disappearance. When no answer is forthcoming from the powers that be, I have been tempted to contemplate these theories that range from electrical malfunction to the political, the conspiratorial and the bizarre.
Politics and the world of political intrigue are beyond me. For me, they remain the stuff of Hollywood movies bent on stirring up the imagination. Yet, out of a desperate need for answers, I am drawn to the theories, a couple of which are seemingly plausible. Could something have been done at the expense of innocent lives just to realise an objective? It doesn't help that findings from investigations purportedly undertaken have not been revealed. So the possibilities are endless. But for the sake of preserving my sanity, I refrain from dwelling on these conjectures. They are after all speculation - nothing concrete, nothing definitive - they do not provide the answers that I crave for; they do nothing to ease the pain.
The state of not-knowing only reinforces the mystery and ambiguity that shroud the disappearance of the plane. What would it take to unravel the mystery that has resulted in a long-drawn ordeal for us - the families of the 239 passengers and crew of flight MH370? After 57 days, we remain as clueless and helpless as we did on Saturday 8 March 2014.
I believe that nothing is impossible if Allah wills it; and The Almighty has His reasons. It might simply be beyond the comprehension of us mere mortals. I accept the impermanence of life and all that He has pre-ordained. But that does not obliterate the need to know. I want an explanation.
What will it come to in the end? Who is responsible? Was it a hijack, a sabotage, a malfunction? Will we ever know the truth of what actually happened during that routine flight to Beijing? Questions abound but the answers remain elusive. Still, we wait with bated breath for some form of discovery or disclosure that can provide us with a sense of closure. For my son, life will never be the same; the road to recovery will be long and hard. I, meanwhile, will continue to grieve because I cannot help it. Not a day goes by that I do not think and pray for my daughter-in-law, her mother, her sister and her aunt - passengers on board the ill-fated flight MH370.
Al-fatehah.
